I'll tell you this so you can keep reminding me of it.

The best performers don't fight their scene partners for focus or attention or the biggest laughs; they set up their partner so he or she gets them.  They're behind-the-scenes while on stage.  That takes a lot of confidence and grace and maturity. To be that performer.  It is not for the insecure.

It's a lot like ...

Hang on. I can't say this quite yet. 
Pardon me a moment and let me just take this mauve smoking jacket here and put it on...  ah, that's nice.  I do like the tapestry accent at the lapels. You don't mind if I smoke a pipe? No? Well.  Let's have a brandy at least.  Excellent. 
Now I can actually write this next part.

Life, too, gives you scene partners: your family. 

Ugh. No. Not even the brandy snifter helped me sell that one.

Side note while I stall: on the rare occasion that I actually have something good to say, I never know how to say it. Without it just sounding inSANELY pompous.

try again. 

In work (onstage), in hanging out with friends, in dealing with my family, I want to be that guy.  The one who makes you feel great and funny and interesting all the time.  Not the guy who starts to feel intimidated and starts screaming HEY I AM GREAT AND FUNNY AND INTERES--- HEY! ARE YOU LISTENING?  I SAID I'M FUNNY AND I AM ALSO HEY! ARE YOU LISTENING!?  in bar conversations.

There are three things this week that informed this.
I should probably make them separate posts, since I try to keep these short, but what the hell.

Thing One:
I have a cousin who is just incredibly 'socially gifted,' as Rachel says.  He is 20 times cooler than me but he still makes me feel like what I have to say and what I'm up to is totally fascinating.  He has this effect on everyone. He's not the only person I've known like this, but hanging out with him made me realize what a wonderful trait that is to have.  It improves the world.

Thing Two:
I finally admitted this past week, I am really jealous of one of my cousins. I have been for a long time.  I've been trying to downplay his [astounding] accomplishments since I met him, because it feels like acknowledging someone else's accomplishments only highlights how pathetic mine are.  And THAT is a complete FAIL at trying to be more like person from Thing One.


Thing Three:
As I cleaned the entire kitchen top to bottom last night instead of calling my mom ... AGAIN ... I thought about why I didn't want to call her.  How negative she can be about the rest of the family, and how I hate to listen to it.  How I really wished she would just love them for who they are and be there for them no matter what. 
At which point I took a particularly deep huff of Soft Scrub and thought:
So I should probably just love her and be there for her no matter what.


Calling her today. Promise.